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Tuesday, January 10, 2006


feeling kinda down now. not swimming for 2 weeks has probably contributed to this. even dreamt about swimming last night. sigh.

guess i'll take some time to reflect. gotta sort through myself and throw out all the shitty stuff so hopefully i'll feel better.

i think i've got somewhat of an elitist attitude sometimes. its totally wrong and i'm not proud of it. ain't that ironic? normally if you're elitist you're proud to be better than somebody else. I realise that alot of what i think and do is based on stereotypes. in a perfect world, stereotypes wouldn't exist. we wouldn't judge people before we meet them. well anyway i guess i adhere to many stereotypes, clinging to em like a security blanket. here's an example:

like if i see someone from a neighbourhood school i'd think that they're either some gangster or that they can't study. -.- at me for that. its the stereotype rearing its ugly head again. ditto if i see someone wearing a brand i don't like. of course i don't instantly hate that person to the guts but i'd be a little more skeptical. luckily i haven't gone over the edge yet. i'd still talk to anybody cos i'm nice like that haha. its just that i shouldnt even be making a negative judgement on people just by looking at em

but still having letting myself judge people just based on first impressions isn't healthy. first impressions are normally so inaccurate anyway.

ok next i've got somemore reflection on myself. those who know me would know that i'm quite vocal at times. and when i'm vocal i might subconsciously say unkind stuff. its cos of that damn elitist mindset i mentioned earlier. i guess i'm too big-headed sometimes. i need an ego deflation. someone please tell me that i'm not that smart, not that cool and not even that nice sometimes. I need to be brought back down to earth. somebody save me.

peace out





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